Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
