sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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