You're my little dorito
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize