At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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