I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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