I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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