he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
