i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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