My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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