I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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