Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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