Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
