Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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