Its about making memories worth repressing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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