I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize