i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
