Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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