Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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