Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
