and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
