he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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