how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were destined to go to rehab together
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
