just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
