I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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