You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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