i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
