I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize