Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
