It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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