I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
