i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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