Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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