I heard we made out
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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