I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
