Did you just see the Batmobile???
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
