i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
