I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sarcasm needs its own font
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
tell me about the eggs
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