Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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