you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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