Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
