I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
