Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
