So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
