go do what you do best...puke behind churches
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
