She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
