Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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