you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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