I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's shark week go big or go home
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
