Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
