I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
