my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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