I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
