I wish I could teleport
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize