Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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