I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
