I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
