I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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