I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
