I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
