If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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