Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
