Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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