You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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