I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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