Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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