4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
