YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
