we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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