did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
