i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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