I met the friendliest cop last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
